How Can a Family Assess Whether a Candidate Can Work Well With Relatives?

Assess a candidate's working fit by observing how they communicate, listen, and handle tension with people who hold different views. Family office work often brings professional responsibilities into close contact with family relationships, so technical qualifications alone cannot tell you whether a person will work well with relatives.

Agree on What Good Working Fit Means

Before interviews, discuss the behaviors the family expects from the executive. These may include discretion, respectful disagreement, timely communication, and the ability to explain difficult information in plain language. Be clear about how relatives will give direction, who supervises the role, and how the executive should respond when family members give conflicting instructions.

Use the same expectations for each candidate. Otherwise, "fit" can become a vague reason to favor someone who feels familiar or to reject someone who communicates differently. A defined role and clear reporting line help the family assess whether a candidate's style suits the work the office needs done. The candidate fit question is one part of a wider talent process.

Use Practical Scenarios

Ask candidates how they would handle situations that could arise in the office. For example, present a scenario where two relatives ask for different things, or where a relative requests information that should be shared only through an agreed process. Ask the candidate to explain what they would clarify, who they would consult, and how they would communicate the outcome.

Listen for the ability to stay calm, ask sensible questions, and set boundaries without becoming rigid or personal. A candidate should be able to explain how they would keep family disagreements from turning into employee disputes. You can also ask how they would deliver bad news to a principal or correct an error made by someone senior.

Involve the People Who Will Work Together

Have the candidate meet the relatives who will supervise the position or interact with it regularly. Keep those conversations structured, with each person assessing a specific area such as communication, judgment, or technical ability. A casual meeting can reveal how someone relates to the family, but it should not replace consistent questions or reference checks.

Ask references how the candidate responds to disagreement, shifting priorities, and sensitive information. Seek examples of behavior, not broad praise. Also notice whether the candidate speaks respectfully about former colleagues and can discuss past challenges without violating confidentiality.

Make Expectations Clear After Hiring

Working well with relatives depends partly on the office's own boundaries. Document who assigns work, how priorities are resolved, and how performance concerns are raised. Set confidentiality expectations and explain that family membership does not change the employee's professional duties. The governance framework can clarify authority and accountability, while a written job description sets the scope of the role.

When assessing an outside executive, compare the candidate's strengths with the family's stated values and practical needs. Ask for references, use consistent scenarios, and discuss any concerns directly. A clear process gives both the family and candidate a better understanding of how they would work together.

Read next: What due diligence should a family conduct before hiring an executive? and How can a family assess whether its culture is a good fit for an outside hire?

Many families hire professionals they have known for several years already instead of someone else who may be technically better qualified, because the family needs to be able to work with someone who will exercise discretion, balance competing priorities, and not violate family values and norms.

Sources: The Single Family Office. Informational only, not financial, legal or tax advice.